Borland's Delphi goodbye
Farewell my lovely
By Verity Stob
Published Tuesday 7th March 2006 10:14 GMT (Source)
- And it came to pass that the Sons of Kahn, who dwelt in the valley of the Scotts, fell yet again upon interesting times. And their fortune did wax and wane, only with not so much of the wax.
- And they did bring forth a version of Delphi called '2005'. But the users of Delphi looked upon it with scorn, for it was a stinker. And they upgradeth not.
- And the great and respected leader of the Sons of Kahn, one Daleful Er, spake unto his people saying: I have a great plan to fix our troubles.
- And the Sons of Kahn spake unto their great and respected leader, saying: Art thou still here?
- And so Daleful Er departed the valley of the Scotts, with his tail fitted in its groove.
- Then the remaining Sons of Kahn sat down upon the Dell Yocam Memorial Sofa and parleyed amongst themselves, for they knew in their hearts that they did indeed need a great plan.
- And then one amongst their number said unto the rest: Let's change our name to Inprise again. That worked brilliantly last time.
- But the Sons of Kahn heedeth him not, for they perceiveth that the fellow taketh the pitheth.
- And then another amongst their number spake up, saying: Look, there is a strange mark upon the sofa, upon its very leather. Whosoever can interpret this mark unto us, he must be our leader.
- And they all gathered around the sofa saying: Eugh, gross; is that a food stain or what?
- And: Methinks 'tis like a weasel.
- And: I love the smell of Rorschach in the morning.
- And they could interpret it not.
The Word of Tod
- And there came unto the valley of the Scotts a man named Tod. And he cast his peepers upon the blob on the sofa.
- And he spake unto the Sons of Kahn saying: Behold! This is a small operational footprint with end-user transparency.
- Then the Sons of Kahn looked upon the mark, and saw that it was so.
- And they cried out, saying: The word of Tod is upon us. Lead us! Lead us!
- And Tod spake unto them, saying: We must reduce the total cost of ownership for distributed applications in the governance process.
- And they cried out, saying: We must! We must!
- And Tod spake unto them, saying: We must cost-effectively address growing transactional demands to manage change assessment.
- And they cried out, saying: Cor! This is the stuff.
- And Tod spake unto them, saying: We must align key stakeholders to strategically accelerate the software delivery optimisation vision.
- And they cried out, saying: Ok, that's enough for now.
The March of the Users
- And it so happened that, after forty days and forty nights, or perhaps a tad longer, a band of users of Delphi came marching down into the valley of the Scotts.
- And the users of Delphi sang a song as they marched:
Or Scheme or other Lisp.
And they didn't use Java or that C sharp
'Cos it had to be fast and crisp.
And they didn't write Skype in C++
Though they wanted it tough and tight.
And they didn't write Skype in Vis Bas
Cos Vis Bas is just shi ain't quite right.
- Chorus: Thou sayest 'Delfee', I sayeth 'Delfye', let us calleth off the whole thing.
- And the Sons of Kahn muttered one unto another saying: Cripes, here cometh the fruit loops.
- And they went out to parley with the users of Delphi.
- And the users of Delphi spake unto the Sons of Kahn saying: Wotcher guys. Delphi 2006 was heaps better, even if it do crawleth somewhat. But where hath all the examples in the help gone? You should make it like PHP, which hath the best help of all the languages, because there is a place for punters' comments. But the new editor is neat...
- Then the Sons of Kahn interrupted, saying: Hold up one moment. We have something of import to tell you.
- And the users of Delphi replied unto the Sons of Kahn saying: What.
- Then the Sons of Kahn spake, saying: What would you say is the most important development in cooperative programming technology these last ten years?
- And the users of Delphi replied: Easy-peasy. The mobile phone camera. So you can take a picture of the whiteboard after the meeting. Next question please Jeremy.
- And the Sons of Kahn spake, saying: Let us put this another way. You know that we have been getting into high end development tools recently?
- And the users of Delphi replied: Your sideline selling expensive corporate gizmos to amuse bored and gullible IT project managers? The packages that let one annotate one's code with a popup note of what the user supposed he required and compile it all into a two-way convertible, config-controlled, colour UML diagram in 3D? The stuff that has done almost as much for Computer Science as colonic irrigation has for dentistry?
- Then the Sons of Kahn spake, saying: We wouldn't have phrased it quite that way, but something like that. We have decided to split this off from Delphi and our remaining languages, such as they are.
- And the users of Delphi replied, saying: Excellent thinking. We've long been worried that the corporate tool business would damage the reputation of your compilers.
- And the Sons of Kahn spake, saying: You don't understand. We're ditching the compilers. And you. Bye.
- And the users of Delphi were flabbergasted, saying: Uh?
The Divesting of Delphi
- And the Tod of the Sons of Kahn came forward to speak unto the users of Delphi. And he said: Our SDO strategy will further demonstrate our commitment to aggressively enhance our focus targeting, enabling us to rapidly transition towards the architected goal of aligning people, process and technology.
- And the users of Delphi were sore afraid.
- And the David-Eye of the Sons of Kahn came forward to speak unto the users of Delphi. And he said: Yay! Whoa! Go Borland! Way to go! Game on! Woo! Go Delphi! Yay!
- And the users of Delphi were sore afraid. For they muttered among themselves, saying: Look out, it's got the Ballmer Shouting Madness.
- And the Sons of Kahn put an ad on eBay.
- And the ad spake, saying: For sale: compiler business, with integrated IDE (almost as good as Eclipse). Complete with whiny customer 'goodwill'. Looking for quick sale, so will throw in Interbase too.
- And the Sons of Kahn returned to the valley of the Scotts, and waited.
- And waited...
Note: the great prophet M'andee-rice Davies is on holiday. We are grateful to the other great prophet, S'aki, for stepping into the breach – VS. ®